the quiet girl

I feel like I’m sinking into my bed.

My stomach has been kind of weird lately, probably just cramps but I worry about it anyway. It sucks that we use two kinds of birth control, don’t have sex very often, and I still worry about being pregnant every month, haha.

I feel like I had a revelation about our relationship last night. God, I love him. We are so good together. We have problems we need to work on like anyone else, we fight like crazy sometimes, but we love each other so much. I guess no matter what path he chooses, I want to be right by him. And he wants to be by me :)

I think I’m going to work on researching colleges today. I really really want to get started fall 2013. or even spring, though I’m shooting for fall. Having residency in WA has changed things a lot for me, so I guess I need to get a handle on the schools here. Maybe I can find something further south. I don’t want to just limit myself based on proximity to my family, or to where we were originally planning on moving to when we go back to Oregon. The fact is, it’s usually not worth free rent if I’m paying out of state tuition. The difference is just outrageous, it’s so much more affordable if we’re paying $800 a month in rent and I’m getting in state tuition.

Going to start working out again.

I’ve totally fallen off the wagon since I cancelled my gym membership. Go figure. So I want to start doing abs regularly and hopefully riding bikes with bf more often since the weather should be improving :)

Sundays: Off, crazy clean kitchen

Mondays: Work, laundry

Tuesdays: Off, crazy clean bathroom

Wednesdays: Work, floors

Thursdays: Work, clean out fridge

Fridays: Work, clean off table

Saturdays: Work, misc

fuck.

come home, and fight. wow. What do you fucking know. I’m tired of this.

But I have a car for now, so I guess that’s a plus.

I miss my sexy boyfriend.

Unfortunately, he is sick so I probably won’t even get laid when I get home. Poor baby. And poor me.

everything this just depressing me right now.

I want to do shit.

I don’t want to look back on my life and regret things.

Do I regret art school? yes, financially. Otherwise, not at all.

I’m developing other regrets lately. I was just such a bitch. I regret not realizing how important high school graduation was to my parents. I wish I had been nicer to my mom.

There’s a relationship I regret, but otherwise I would have never gotten to know Jon.

I’ve just been thinking about all this kind of stuff lately. My friends at work are graduating high school. My best friend studied abroad this past semester. I’m just working a stupid retail job and hanging out with my boyfriend. I can’t wait to get back in school and be proud of myself and feel like I’m actually accomplishing something more than just getting by. I want to travel someday, I want to have stories and things to talk about. I just feel so dumb and inexperienced. I don’t feel like I can relate to other people.

Part of that is probably just me feeling inferior to others. issues. bah.

being alive is awesome / being alive is depressing　

Ughhhhhhh

my bff is back from studying abroad

so I’m trying to make plans with her since I’m considering visiting home next week. 0.o She’s super popular and always busy though. I feel really lame thinking that she might have plans and I’ll end up sitting home alone for my four days off.